An angel in my pocket

My pocket angel

The last few weeks have been very eventful.  Some events were good and some were of the worst kind, and this is the story of how some of those events came together.

Our Annie

Event #1...The worst

Wednesday evening, May 30,  while watching TV, I received a message on my phone.  It was the coach of my triathlon team, The Prairie Athletic Tri Team of Sun Prairie, WI sending a message to the team.  One of our members, Annie Rubens, had been in a bike accident while on a training ride and was in critical condition. She hit a pothole and was thrown, hitting her head.  She was with a group and an ambulance was called immediately. Our coach was asking for prayers...and of course she got those...as well as a team that came together in an incredible way to support Annie's wife and family.  Though my schedule did not allow me to participate beyond prayers, it was heartening to know that things were being taken care of.  When we went to bed that night, Annie had had one surgery to relieve pressure and though things were still dire, we had hope.

But when we woke there was news of a second surgery and continued brain swelling.  Things were obviously dire.  By mid-day the news went out that there had been a massive brainstem bleed, the doctors felt this was non-survivable and that Annie would be removed from life support later in the afternoon per her advance directive. We were told that if we wished to say good-bye we should come now. I could not get away, but planned a good-bye of a different kind as soon as I could find a few minutes. Annie passed into another realm at about 4:30 in the afternoon on Thursday May 31.

Any death can diminish a group.  But hers leaves a gaping hole.  Annie was a natural cheerleader, encouraging others as easily as most people breathe. She had introduced many, many of her teammates to the Ironman bike loop...and cheered them in the pool or through the jitters of open water swimming.  And not just on our team either.  She was also our unofficially official photographer, gently bossing us into appropriate positions for group photos. "No cleavage, no bunny ears!"  and posting candid photos in a popular "caption this" on our team page. "Photos or it didn't happen," was a frequent refrain.

Not only our team, but the group she was riding with, the other triathlon teams in the area, as well as numerous running and other athletic teams in the area have come together as #oneteam to celebrate her.  And all of us are striving as much as possible to #belikeAnnie.

Event #2...Also not so good

On June 1, I was off to Boulder for the Skirt Sport Ambassador retreat and the 10k at the SS 13er.  I arrived in Denver to the news that my daughter was having problems. And before the day was over she had been admitted to the hospital.

Fortunately my Mom and sister-in-law were willing and able to help her (and me) out and see her until I was back on Monday.  It is not so unusual for Melanie to have brief hospital admits...but it was just another worry on my plate as I entered into a much anticipated weekend.

She was well taken care of and released shortly after I got home, but her being sick certainly didn't do anything to relieve the emotional heaviness I was carrying.

Event #3...Really Good

The much anticipated weekend was the Skirt Sport Ambassador Retreat in Boulder, CO.  It included a Friday night cocktail hour, award ceremony and fashion show, A Saturday morning workshop with speakers, a team building thing, yoga and more...and the Skirt Sports 13er, 10k and 5k on Sunday.

Our skirt encounters started before we ever got to Boulder as I found myself introducing myself to people at the rental car counter and taking pictures with people I had never met at a scenic overlook near Louisville.

Had a meet up with skirt sisters before I ever made it to the retreat!

After we checked in to the motel, we were off to take a huge bag of gently used running gear to the "mothership" store to donate for the Running Start program. And, of course, have a shopping spree to fill the spot the donation had taken up in our suitcase.  While we didn't manage to fill the WHOLE space, we had a lot of fun looking and trying on styles that we were a bit afraid to order without trying on...and we did leave with a good number of new skirts.

Later Glenda dropped me off for the Friday evening retreat event while she set out on a short hike and photo practice session.  The evening event was fun.  I settled in with a glass of wine and began chatting with others.  Since it was my first time, I was a little shy (despite appearances, I am actually not entirely comfortable in large groups...especially those I don't know), but soon I was talking to several others.  Everyone was friendly and welcoming. The food and wine were very good and the program ranged from emotional to hysterical.

I can't write every detail but for me the most emotional were the tribute to a skirt sister lost to cancer this year (particularly as I came with the fresh loss of Annie weighing heavy) and Nicole DeBoom's description of her winning of the Ironman Wisconsin, but being there all alone...and how that was one of the things that led her to the idea of women being there for each other. which is so ingrained in the Skirt Sports culture.   I could picture her race as all the places she mentioned were very familiar to me...and I think that made the story even more powerful.

The most fun had to be a toss up between the awards (which hit just the right tone) and the fashion show.  Of course I enjoyed seeing the new product lines and hearing about the award winners, but more than that I enjoyed the atmosphere.  There is nothing quite like the kind of goofy, unselfconscious rowdiness that ensues in a group of supportive women, with no men around.  It was a blast!

Saturday morning was equally good.  All three speakers were inspirational as they shared their stories.  I particularly liked Mirna Valerio's talk about her journey. What a personality and what an inspirational athlete! Our final speaker was Colleen Cannon, former pro-triathlete and founder of Women's Quest.  She gifted each of us with a pocket angel like the one pictured above.

We also had a team building exercise in which we were broken into groups for a "Shark Tank" game, where we were to design a new product and pitch it to a panel.  The ideas went up for an online vote and the winning team got prizes and a possibility of having their product produced.  My team did not win...but it was a blast. 

All in all I think I would do this again next year...hopefully starting in a better frame of mind. 

Event #4...Positive in the end!

The final event of that weekend was the Skirt Sports 13er/10k/5k, a mostly women's race.  Glenda did the 13er and I did the 10k.  It was sort of emotional for both of us.  It was our first race after Annie's death and we were missing a tribute to her at a race at home. But we decided to honor her the best we could.  We got a sharpie and marked ourselves with #belikeAnnie and vowed to encourage others along the way as Annie did.  And to race like we meant it...also an Annie thing to do. 

I had discussed a race plan with my coach, and he told me to start out very slow and then pick it up later only if I felt OK.  This is because I am a flatlander and would not have time to fully acclimate to the altitude.  I didn't want to get an oxygen debt early on. As we started uphill for the first mile, I soon saw that there was not going to be any easy that was TOO easy (and I was not alone).  I tried to concentrate on encouraging others. But it was a struggle.

About 3/4 of a mile in someone said to me, "I have to ask, who's Annie?"  I explained about her.  The woman told me she was sorry for my loss and we went on.  A few seconds later, there was a tap on my shoulder.  It was the same woman. She handed me her pocket angel and said, "I never carry these things, but today I made an exception.  Now I know why.  I need to give it to you.  You need it more than I do." I thanked her through tears (and oddly I had left my own pocket angel in the hotel...now I have 2).  She said she didn't mean to make me cry, but I said tears were cleansing...I hugged her and we went on. But I felt Annie was there with me, and that I needed to soldier on like I meant it, whether I walked or ran.  I resisted the urge to turn around at the 5k point (I really did struggle with the altitude) and decided that I would make sure to enjoy the scenery and the moment.  

Although Glenda and I were running different distances, our courses overlapped.  Much of the course was on the top of a Mesa with incredible views.  The rest of the course was nice, but the middle section on the Mesa was breathtaking.  Just before we ran from the scenically-perfect-photo-op to the less spectacular, but still nice but not quite as scenic part Glenda and I crossed paths.  She said "quick, do you have your phone?"  and I panted "back pocket."  She helped me get it out and said, "pictures or it didn't happen!" and we took a selfie with that spectacular background.  The timing couldn't have been better if Annie had gently bullied us into position herself. 

We happened to be in the same place at the same time "pictures or it didn't happen"

Glenda then went on to finish the race first in her age group.  She was also the first "flatlander" to finish. The only women to finish before her were from the mountains of Colorado and Wyoming. When she had caught her breath, she trotted back a half a mile or so to run in with me.  I told her during that last mile that our speaker Colleen Cannon had said her personal motivational song was the Indiana Jones theme and that seemed like an appropriate song to get me across the finish line.  We actually sang it a little and I said I was going to belt it out when I was finishing...but of course there was music at the finish so I mostly just sang it in my head.  We crossed the finish together.  There were hugs between us and with Nicole DeBoom (Skirt Sports founder).  And as we left, there was another hug from a skirt sister who had seen something I had written about Annie and had been looking for me and waiting for my finish JUST so she could hug me. It seemed fitting somehow to be surrounded by supportive women (and support them too) while dealing with thoughts of Annie, one of the most supportive people I have ever known. 

A challenging race in many ways...but a happy finish!

I was the final finisher in the 10k, I really did struggle with emotion and the altitude. But I also cheered others, took pictures and finished like I meant it.  And though my time and pace were pretty abysmal, this was one of the best races I ever did and I am grateful for the experience.  Do I really think Annie was up there somewhere manipulating our meetings and reminding me of the lessons I already knew?  I don't know...but I had an angel in my pocket and #belikeAnnie in my heart and that's good enough for me.